March 03, 2008
Hoagie's Corner
Jon B. posted the following as a comment, but this is definitely column worthy.
Was thinking about how bad Biron is on the shootout (the first shooter always scores thus putting that much more pressure on the flyers shooters) and i found this very damning statistical breakdown:
Biron is the much bigger issue than our shooters are.
25 goalies this year have faced 15 or more shootout attempts.
The average sv% for those 25 is 69.0%
Biron at 33% is the only goalie under 50%
18 of the 25 are 60% or better
7 of the 25 are 75% or better
The reason Edmonton wins all those games ... not the shooters. The NHL's 2 best goalies in the shooout:
#1. Mathieu Garon 2 goals in 32 chances for a 93.8%
#2. Dwayne Roloson 6 goals in 30 chances for a 80.0%
The entire list of 25
Name - Shots Against - Goals - Sv%
Mathieu Garon 32 2 93.8%
Dwayne Roloson 30 6 80.0%
Jose Theodore 24 5 79.2%
Carey Price 19 4 79.0%
Dany Sabourin 26 6 76.9%
Tomas Vokoun 38 9 76.3%
Johan Hedberg 28 7 75.0%
Henrik Lundqvist 19 5 73.7%
Martin Brodeur 26 7 73.1%
Ilja Bryzgalov 22 6 72.7%
Roberto Luongo 54 15 72.2%
Kari Lehtonen 18 5 72.2%
Rick Dipietro 21 6 71.4%
JS Giguere 25 8 68.0%
Olaf Kolzig 34 11 67.6%
Marty Turco 20 7 65.0%
Miikka Kiprusoff 17 6 64.7%
Vesa Toskala 15 6 60.0%
Pascal Leclaire 23 10 56.5%
Evgeni Nabokov 30 14 53.3%
Ty Conklin 15 7 53.3%
Ray Emery 15 7 53.3%
Ryan Miller 21 10 52.4%
Chris Osgood 16 8 50.0%
Martin Biron 15 10 33.3%
Posted by aetchells at 05:32 PM | Comments (9)
October 16, 2006
Professor Jenkins And The Denny Scale
Full analysis after the jump.
Talked to Denny yesterday because I bet him a case of beer that Penn State
would upset Michigan in Happy Valley (damm). He told me there was an
earthquake in Hawaii the night before while he was sleeping. He said he
didn't hear it and it didn't wake him up yet it registered a 6.6. I then
asked him if he was banged up from the night before but already knew the
answer before the said "Well, what do you think?"
This leads to a suggestion. There should be a "Denny Scale" to judge
alcohol level in functioning alcoholics. It would be somewhat of an
inverted BAC because earlier test have shown that the BAC is too sensetive
to measure such massive amounts of alcohol in the body. The "Denny Scale"
would be the magnitude earthquake necessary to rouse a slumbering Denny from
a drunken stuper.
Theory: It would take x amount of buddyweisers to ensure that Denny would
not be wakened by and earthquake of magnitude X-7 (at lower limits) and
about X-22 at the upper limits.
When I put this into Microsoft Excel and tried to deduce the equation
with math and past Denny experiences I found a more exact equation of
y = 8E-05X^2 + 0.2467X + 0.5059
With x representing the BuddyWeiser Count (BWC) corresponding to y
being the Magnitude Required for Rouse (MRR). Plugging and Chugging data
with this equation gives a varience between Magnitude and Beers of 0.997.
A varience of 1 would correspond to a dead-on match so this is would mean
our derived equation is 99.7% accurate
Using this equation we can deduce that the 6.6 magnitude earthquake
that occured near the Island of Hawaii means that Denny had atleat 25
BuddyWeisers. And since we are aware of the number of golf courses in
Hawaii and the fact that it was indeed a Saturday, this is highly likely.
Posted by aetchells at 01:12 PM | Comments (9)
June 06, 2006
And Another Thing
I'm really sick of people griping about how horrible it is to have small market teams meet in the Stanley Cup Finals. If it ain't your team it doesn't matter anyway. Get over it and actually look at the hockey. It's end to end, breathtaking fun. If you can't like it because it's Carolina and Edmonton, well then that's your problem. Your loss. I'm not trying to convert you. Go enjoy the Phils and the Diamondbacks. Lots of luck.
That is all.
Posted by aetchells at 09:25 AM | Comments (6)
April 04, 2006
Thanks OLN
We here at Philadelphiarams.com have periodically bitched about OLN and their game selection throughout the year.
So here's some statistics to back up what we've been saying.
Gripe: OLN hasn't done a good job of bringing us the best teams in the NHL.
Reality: The average point totals of an OLN game is 82 points. The average point total of an NHL team is 83. So OLN picked games that were on average one point poorer than one would expect from a random matchup. And since you assume that OLN would want to feature the best teams the most often, the 82 points is really piss poor.
Gripe: What's with all these Blues games? Everyone knew they were going to suck.
Reality: The Blues were on OLN seven times this season. Only Colorado, Detroit, the Rangers, and Philadelphia were shown more often. Each of these teams were televised eight times. We were also subjected to Boston seven times, and mediocre Minnesota bored us six times.
Gripe: OLN fears Canada like Superman fears kryptonite
Reality: There were terribly few games featuring Canadian teams on OLN this season. Stanley Cup finalist Calgary was only just once, as were Eastern Conference leading Ottawa Senators. Montreal managed to be televised three times and Todd Bertuzzi's Vancouver Canucks just twice. And for all those Blues fans that OLN seemed to care so much about, well they weren't given a single chance to see Chris Pronger suit up for the Edmonton Oilers. And US based hockey fans also missed out entirely on Eric Lindros, Ed Belfour, Mats Sundin, and the rest of the Toronto Maple Leafs.
Gripe: With all they hype Ovechkin and Croxby had this year OLN never got them in a game where they played each other.
Reality: The NHL schedule was set before OLN got the contract so there was only one game, November 22, between the two rookies on a Monday or Tuesday. But OLN didn't broadcast that game, they stuck with the tampa versus Philadelphia matchup.
So are we as fans better off? There was something nice about knowing there would be a game every Monday and Tuesday night. Of course this meant choosing between MNF and hockey 14 or so times. And yesterday OLN threw the Blackhawks and Avalanche directly up against the NCAA FInal Four. Great idea there.
So if there's something to say to OLN, don't pick all the matchups in the beginning of the season, and strive to get the best matchups, no matter what city the team calls home.
Posted by aetchells at 11:08 AM | Comments (1)
October 03, 2005
Hoagie Does Finances
Gents,
First Billy and I would like to thank everyone who made Saturday night possible, you know who you are. I think that everyone who attended had an excellent time. For those of you who didn't make the event, you missed out.
We spent $1,308.00 and we brought in $2,036.00. Our profit was therefore $728.00 to be split between the Penguins and the Rams at $364.00per team.
That being said, we could have (should have) made a lot more money. My estimate is that we had around 90 people and we wanted about 120-140 (if it was not for a very successful raffle, we might have only made about $200 per
team- thanks Jim A. ). Everyone knew that they should bring roughly four to five people in order for us to hit our goals. From the look of it Saturday night, I think that only 8-10 Penguins or Rams actually brought that amount
of people. It does us no good to just bring your wife or girlfriend or boyfriend (if you have one) to the b& b. We needed more. If all of your friends were already there, you needed to invite family and co-workers etc.
There were also too many Penguins and Rams who did not attend the event, thus we lost them and their 4 to 5 invitees. The October 1st date was set in early August, and I can only think of a handfull of excusses that are
legitimate. We did, after all, make money for you. Next year, we will most likely make it mandatory that all players sell 4 to 5 tickets.
I think that any money made is good news. And we had a fun time making it so lets put this years missed opportunity behind us and remember to do a better job next year.
Posted by aetchells at 04:26 PM | Comments (5)
September 03, 2005
Welcome to Hoagie's Corner
Hoagie's Corner will serve as an outlet for Jon Buehler's rants, raves, and streams of consciousness. Today's column is a bit of everything, I hope you enjoy.
I thought that I would start the first ever Hoagie’s Corner with a discussion about hoagies (next week's topic, you guessed it, corners). Now, whilst I myself have never actually eaten a hoagie (I don’t like cold or room temperature meat), I have made thousands in my life. Am I an expert? No. I just made a lot of them. Regardless, what interests me is not the hoagie or sandwich itself, but the person that eats them. During my years in delicatessen management, certain “trends” appeared concerning who typically orders what, with what, with what on the side. The following is a recap of my field observations.
Warning: x-out of this window now if a homosexual, African American, Mexican (Eddie), fat woman, or mustachioed person is within eyeshot of the screen (basically this list is only safe for non-mustachioed white men).
- The tuna hoagie/ tuna sandwich is almost exclusively eaten by two not so different groups of people, homosexuals and men with mustaches. I remember many a time when a fanny-packed gay jogger with a mustache would stride into the deli and shamelessly order a tuna on rye with extra mayo (this type enjoys the mayo around the lips after a satisfying bite of the stinky-fish). Imagine my surprise when, after observing the homo-erotic tendencies of many tuna eaters, the second major consumer of the chicken of the sea is the big brawny type mustachioed man’s man. You know the one with the tattoo of his first wife’s name across his back. While this type is obviously not gay, I had to wonder about the peculiar similarities between the two groups. Perhaps if they knew how much they had in common, there would be less need for gay bashing, or urges to go antiquing.
- Black people always get mayo on everything and they always get as many toppings or side items that they can get without you charging them. The second you mention that bacon will be fifty cents extra is the second they ask for extra salt (it’s the same thing, right?). Making a cheese-steak with mayo, ketchup, mustard, pickles, hots, swts, L-T-O, salt, pepper, oil + vinegar, etc. almost makes you want to have a heart attack and die, almost.
- Mexicans, gotta love em. And boy do they love all things spicy. Hot pepper flakes on everything. You can’t help but imagine all of the food that you are making for them, what it looks like now, and what it will look like later (in deli speak: a “Now & Later”), splattering allover someone else’s nice porcelain no doubt.
- Fat women. Cheese-steak hoagie, add bacon, extra mayo, large fries and a diet coke (she’s on a diet you know).
- Most disgusting sandwich I ever made: tuna, bacon, hot dog, spicy mustard, and raw onions on a 12” roll. It made me want to throw up, which, incidentally, was what it smelled like. I am sure it was a just as tasty going in as it was coming out.
Posted by aetchells at 03:27 AM | Comments (4)
February 28, 2005
NHL to be replaced by NHL
Professional Rejects to Form New League
Various sources confirm the implementation of a new league to take the place of the existing National Hockey League. The Nobackchecking Hockey League will start play immediately. The league will be filled with players who, for various reasons, have been turned away by the "old" NHL. League commissioner Billy "the goat" Melissen, flanked by his two trusty assistants, the Hoagie Brothers, predicted a successful start to a new era of hockey. When asked their opinions on Melissen's glowing optimism, Hoagie One and Hoagie Two merely argued over who created a better recipe for matzo ball soup (It was these such arguments that got the brothers banned from the "old" NHL, some insiders say). The name of the league comes from the suggestion of Brian Jones, known simply as "the heavy kid."
"Do you have any idea how much energy it takes to lug 240 lbs. up and down the ice? Cardiovascular activity is not in my repertoire," Jones explained. "It also enables us to drink more beer. There are reports that Pabst Brewing Company will be our sponsor, which makes me and the rest of the players very happy. I haven't been this excited since I filled my bathtub with chocolate pudding."
Along with Jones and Melissen, the league is hoping to attract even more star-power. Joining them is a litany of top-quality players fed up with what they are seeing in the former pro ranks. Says former Montreal Canadien Jean-Andre Francois Lennertz, "I've been having a tough time ever since Canada made sodomy illegal. Hopefully, all of the games will be played in the USA, where our sexual deviance won't be a problem." Lennertz was joined by his German "partner", Baron Ulrich Johann von Brnich. Holding hands and sipping white zinfandel as they spoke, the two seemed pleased with being able to resume their hockey careers together. "Ve are vaiting to hear ze details of ze new league, but ve are very exzited", Brnich said. Six-time All Star and turnover record-holder Tyrone Bootzpatrick has also agreed to suit up. "Dude, no drug tests, unlimited beer, what more could you ask for? The only thing that would make this league complete is if they put an all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet in the rink." When pressed for further comment, Bootzpatrick suddenly rose from his seat and said, "Let me get back to you, all this Chinese food talk is making me and Jones hungry. We're going to go find a buffet and put them out of business."
However, the league is not without its fair share of controversy. Reports have surfaced that suggest that Mohammed Talibob al-Grillaziz will try to sign with a team. al-Grillaziz has not played professionally in 3 years. He was banned from competition while playing for Kutztown University. Confidential sources in the FBI have revealed that he was deported after he was found trying to smuggle plastic explosives in his skates onto the ice during a game against Millersville University. This earned him the nickname "the skate bomber." Also raising some eyebrows is the return of shadowy underworld figure Krysztoph Wangerini, a well-known thug in local Mafioso circles. Wangerini was recently acquitted in his trial in which he was accused of burying Philadelphia Mayor John Street in a scrap metal heap. "I just wanna, like, play hockey, man, heh heh heh," Wangerini said when reached for comment. The mayor's body has still not been found, but that may be because no one's looking.
Stay tuned for more updates and player/team bios...
Posted by aetchells at 10:28 AM | Comments (0)