Via the Associated Jenkins Press
I forgot about the encore….
….it is impossible to get the Berks out of bed, packed and moving. I think we left around 12:30, a good 2 hours after the last guys. We finally get on the road and Ryan Berk is riding shot gun and announces that he has to puke. We have only been in the car for about 8 minutes and we are still on the road that Brett’s cabin is on; the skinny one with all the snow on the sides and no where to pull over. So he puts his fat head out the window and his hat blows off at 50 mph, followed by the spray of Labbott’s, chili and a whole lot of shots all over the side of the car. Door and window. Dan Berk is now trapped in the back, unable to roll his window down for fear of letting in some chunder bits. This will be important later. Well, Berk still has to puke and he wants his hat back so we have to turn around. The only place I find to pull a u-turn is some guys drive-way with clearly posted signs of no trespassing. As soon as I pull into the drive-way, Berk blows another stomach full all over this guy’s property. Then, in the process of turning around, I get stuck in the snow, so he has to get out and push. Once we are free he leaves one more pile in the drive way while I waited for cars to pass so I could go back looking for the hat. By now the hat has been hit and passed so many times that it has blown up just short of the guy’s house we just violated. But I don’t see it until I am already going back towards the cabin. I also notice that the hat is on a downward hill meaning that when I stop, I’ve got a good chance of catching a pick-up in the ass. When I am finally able to find a spot to make another u-turn, it is a hiking trail parking lot. Berk leaves his mark there as well. On the way back to the hat I floor it to create some space between me and whichever Billy Ray Cyrus fan may be behind me. When I cross the hill at about 60-65, the hat comes up quick. I slam on the brakes and we skid to the hat. Remember, in front of our new friend’s house. Dan Berk, now high (because that seemed to be the only logical think to do) can’t help but recreate the scene this guy must have witnessed as he drank some coffee and looked out the window.
Some car pulls into his private driveway.
Some other guy pukes.
Then they get stuck.
The guy who puked is now pushing the car.
OK good, now they are leaving.
Oh wait, that guy puked again.
At least they are gone.
Now they are back? What is going on? Am I being robbed?
Slammed on brakes, get hat, speed away.
So now 40 minutes into our trip we are 6 miles away from the cabin. If anyone remembers, Dan Berk drew on Ryan with a sharpie the night before. Ryan is not happy and vows revenge. Dan claims that the stomach veil he left all over the side of the car should suffice for any ink on his ear. Ryan initially agrees. Until Dan starts farting….and unable to roll his window down due to the possibility of barf coming in, we all have to sit there and eat it. Ryan is not doing so well. We are forced to pull over yet again. This time a McDonalds so Ryan can go inside and call some dinosaurs for about 15 minutes. Ryan blames this second puke episode solely on Dan and claims he now owes him again and will piss on Dan’s tooth bush. Dan doesn’t agree to this and reply’s that if Ryan does piss on his tooth brush, that he will poop in Ryan’s shoe. This back and forth continues for most of the ride home.