Professor Jenkins And The Denny Scale

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Who said all they do up in Happy Valley is party. Our favorite undergrad hits Excel hard in hopes of finding out how big an earthquake has to be in order to wake up Denny.
Full analysis after the jump.


Talked to Denny yesterday because I bet him a case of beer that Penn State
would upset Michigan in Happy Valley (damm). He told me there was an
earthquake in Hawaii the night before while he was sleeping. He said he
didn’t hear it and it didn’t wake him up yet it registered a 6.6. I then
asked him if he was banged up from the night before but already knew the
answer before the said “Well, what do you think?”
This leads to a suggestion. There should be a “Denny Scale” to judge
alcohol level in functioning alcoholics. It would be somewhat of an
inverted BAC because earlier test have shown that the BAC is too sensetive
to measure such massive amounts of alcohol in the body. The “Denny Scale”
would be the magnitude earthquake necessary to rouse a slumbering Denny from
a drunken stuper.
Theory: It would take x amount of buddyweisers to ensure that Denny would
not be wakened by and earthquake of magnitude X-7 (at lower limits) and
about X-22 at the upper limits.
When I put this into Microsoft Excel and tried to deduce the equation
with math and past Denny experiences I found a more exact equation of
y = 8E-05X^2 + 0.2467X + 0.5059
With x representing the BuddyWeiser Count (BWC) corresponding to y
being the Magnitude Required for Rouse (MRR). Plugging and Chugging data
with this equation gives a varience between Magnitude and Beers of 0.997.
A varience of 1 would correspond to a dead-on match so this is would mean
our derived equation is 99.7% accurate
Using this equation we can deduce that the 6.6 magnitude earthquake
that occured near the Island of Hawaii means that Denny had atleat 25
BuddyWeisers. And since we are aware of the number of golf courses in
Hawaii and the fact that it was indeed a Saturday, this is highly likely.
Drunken Denny Spreadsheet

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