New York, New York — Corporate headquarters sites a decline in sales, but the cult that worships Aldo Brand knows better. The store has begun to sell barnyard sex toys because they mourn the loss of interesting lockerroom talk after hockey games.
“A few years ago, we talked about hot women and outrageous fun,” said a source under anonymity. “Now it’s about kids and heater hoses.”
But, fashion king Aldo himself says that while conversion has taken a decidedly domestic twist, he’s till happy to be part of the Rams organization.
“I get to test all my new product on them,” Aldo said following the Rams 3-2 loss to the Zebras. “Tonight, I showed my newest toy … the Udderly Amazing Beer Bowl. It’s great. They love that you get 4 teets in one toy. So now, four can drink at once. Genius.”
Rams faceoff Wednesday at 10 vs. the Shamrocks. Krazters’ bring the cans. And by cans I mean …
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